Awesome thoughts on "make-it-yourself" lunch packages

Oscar Meyer and Kraft Foods have enjoyed the success of their Lunchables line of pre-packed meals, the marketing for this product line targeted at parents who are far too busy with important things (i.e. deciding which swingers club to hit next) to throw some bread, meat and cheese into a paper bag for their children before they go to school. So instead of having their kids sit at the lunch table and sandwich some roast beef and sharp cheddar between two pieces of whole-wheat bread with a little mustard, parents have apparently decided their kids are better off layering some *cough* "lunch meat" and some 'processed cheese product' between a couple of crackers. And thus, kids get the delusional idea that they're making their own lunch, the parents have to put only minimal effort into making sure their kids have...stuff...to eat at school, and the Oscar Meyer and Kraft companies make nice fat stacks of cash.

Well, it was only a matter of time before some genius up there decided they could market this food to adults too! So what do you get when you combine some phony deli bread, a stick of cheese, some prepackaged roast beef, a packet of mayo and a packet full of stolen Arby's sauce?



BAM!! Eat your heart out, lazy Americans!

That's right: Oscar Meyer's Deli Creations. Being the fat pig that I am, I bought a couple of these for about $1.33 apiece when I saw them on sale at the grocery store. I just finished my first one for lunch a couple of minutes ago (the same one you see in the picture), in fact. Initial impressions? Read on.

I'll start off by saying the box makes the sandwich seem a lot bigger than it actually is. I'll also say that the box insults any human with half a brain by providing instructions on how to make the sandwich. Because figuring out that everything goes between the two pieces of bread just isn't something I'd come up with on my own.

Taste-wise, it wasn't bad. Not the best I've had, and probably not the worst. The meat is more real-looking than in the Lunchables line, as was the cheese. The mayo was...well, mayo, and the "steakhouse sauce" was a complete rip off of Arby's sauce. Overall, I'd still rather have a plain Arby's roast beef sandwich than this thing.

Cost analysis? Well, although I paid roughly $1.33 for one of these things, they're normally about two bucks a pop. How much would it have cost me to make this on my own?

• Two (2) slices of white bread (don't give me any bull about the type of bread these guys used...it was white bread shaped all fancy-like): $0.13
• 1/4 lb. roast beef (of moderate quality, such as was used in their sandwich): $0.88
• One (1) slice cheddar cheese: $0.12
• One (1) Tbsp mayo: $0.05
• One (1) packet of Arby's sauce: Free (unless the Arby's restaurant manager is being a real douche)
• TOTAL COST: $1.18

So it turns out this thing was about 41% more expensive overall than if I had just made a sandwich on my own. The actual price difference is only $0.82, but that's a lot for a sandwich. The lesson here: stop being lazy and make your own stupid lunch. Or make your kids make their own stupid lunches. Oscar Meyer and Kraft don't need any more of your money; they make enough selling overpriced lunch meats and condiments as it is. And your kids don't need brand-name foods; it only makes them dumber.

As always, please note that these are my thoughts and opinions, and not those of any employee, company, deity or other person or entity with which I am affiliated. I doubt you'll ever find out who I work for, but I figured I'd throw that out there, just in case.